


Little Hints Sent Over A Vast Sea

by blackfin



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Little bit of angst, M/M, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 04:11:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13240167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackfin/pseuds/blackfin
Summary: There’s considerable distance between them and they’re only means of communication is via letters. Ryoma’s always excited to receive one from Xander but with it comes the pain of being separated, and the fear that the distance is only causing them to grow apart





	Little Hints Sent Over A Vast Sea

**Author's Note:**

> Written as part of a drabble challenge  
> Rules: has to be written from one of three prompt generators and can't be more than 1,500 words  
> Kudos and comments are muchly appreciated! Thank you for reading!  
> Cross posted on my tumblr, s-aizo  
> Currently accepting commissions, check my tumblr for more details

As he flicked through the letters, a small, handwritten envelope caught his attention and his heart began to thump enthusiastically. Tossing aside the rest of his mail without a second glance, he didn’t bother grabbing a letter opener but instead simply ripped a small strip from the top. Smiling a bit like a madman, anticipation and glee dancing excitedly inside his stomach, he slipped out the letter held safely inside. It was thick, nearly four pages, all written in neat, slanted, beautiful script. The moment his eyes lit upon the first word, a swell of happiness washed over him.

‘Ryoma’ – he could practically hear his name being said in Xander’s voice. Perhaps it was a bit silly of him to become so jubilant over something as simple as seeing his name written in the familiar handwriting of the man he adored but he felt no shame. When he couldn’t hear his voice, seeing his words and imagining him speaking had to be enough.

Without bothering to sit down, he quickly read through the contents of the letter. Ryoma was delighted to find that Xander and family were doing well – business was booming with more ships than ever being sent out to the high seas, Camilla was keeping everything in order, as she always did, Leo was thinking of attending university with the intent to become a professor, and Elise had a suitor whom Xander was, shockingly, fond of. There were a couple complaints listed but were nothing worrying: storms were expected to delay a few cargo ships but they were safely in port at the moment so no danger was posed to crew or boat, Leo’s son had gotten in trouble for cutting a girl’s hair, though both children swore up and down that the action hadn’t been malicious, and, as always, there was the hesitant, subtle complaint about the distance between them, followed immediately by an entire page professing profound love, a desire to see him and a promise that they would be able to meet sometime in the new year.

He read through the letter multiple times, his smile fading from one of near maniacal excitement to melancholy. It wasn’t enough. It was never enough. Like one drop of water falling onto the tongue of a man dying of thirst, the taste he was given, the small hint, the tiniest excerpt of Xander wasn’t enough. When the initial excitement wore off, when the happiness of seeing his name written in that familiar font faded away, he was left only with pieces of paper and dried ink.

It wasn’t enough.

He wanted to see him. It was selfish, but he couldn’t help it. When was the last time he had held him in his arms? When was the last time he had felt those beautiful, firm lips against his own? When was the last time he had heard his voice? Not spoken in his head as a memory, a recalling of what he sounded like but his real voice? A year, no, two years, he thought glumly. Two years since he’d seen his face. Two years since they had even stood on the same continent. Two years, separated by thousands upon thousands of miles of sea, held apart by duty and binds of blood. He wanted to see him, he wanted to kiss him, and he wanted to whisper into his ear all the musings of love, adulation, devotion he could possibly fathom. 

How much longer would it be until he forgot his voice? How much longer would it be until he couldn’t remember how Xander said his name? This time, this distance, it terrified him. Wise men say that distance only makes the heart grow fonder but truly smart men know that memories, perceptions only warp with time. Like paper left out in the sun, so too do memories distort. Was he the same man Xander had quietly professed his love to in the backroom of their family’s shipping center? Was Xander the same man he had taken the hands of and kissed softly as a response? Two years, so much could change in two years, were either of them truly the same as they had once been? When they did manage to cross the distance, would love still remain?

Or at that moment, would it be like two strangers staring at one another?

Sighing deeply, Ryoma flopped back into his chair. It wasn’t a stretch of the imagination to think that Xander might feel the same. What were they to do, though? Neither could leave to take the massively long journey that would be waiting for them if they decided to see one another. Too much was expected of them, too much was needed of them, simply dropping everything was a complete impossibility. All they could do was continue to exchange letters, and hope that time would be kind to them. The pain, the fear, the want was suffocating was a constant burden but one they both bore without complaint.

Holding the last page in both hands, he leaned down to kiss Xander’s elegant signature, which hadn’t changed at all over the years, and was startled to find that the paper smelled familiar. Furrowing his brow, he sniffed inquisitively. Xander’s cologne, that was what he was smelling. Either it must have rubbed off while he was writing the letter or he had intentionally sprayed the pages with it. Terrible longing flooded his chest, threatening to choke him with its intensity. Quick on its heels was blinding, wanting heat, which spread like wildfire throughout his body. It wasn’t enough. It was never going to be enough. He didn’t want an afterthought, a hint, an indication; he wanted Xander.

Slamming the letter down onto the desk, breathing patchily, tears stinging the corners of his eyes, his hand flew down to his trousers where the fingers made quick work of forcing them open. He distinctly heard something ripped but paid no mind to it. Ryoma dropped his head to the desk and sucked in deep breaths, pulling every trace, every hint of Xander’s familiar, intoxicating scent into him as he thrust his hand inside and began to roughly stroke his erect cock.

“Xander!” He gasped out, saliva dribbling out of his panting mouth.

It wasn’t enough. It was never going to be enough and when he came, it was with a frustrated moan pushed out through clenched teeth. There was pleasure, a quick zip of pressure and heat at the base of his stomach but when that quickly faded away, he was left feeling agitated, cheated and desperately wanting more. Pulling out his soiled hand, grimacing at the sogginess of his undergarments and the sweat causing his shirt to stick to him in all the wrong places, Ryoma shoved himself to his feet. Glancing guiltily at the now crumpled, wet, soiled letter, he sighed deeply, regretful that he had allowed himself into such a shameful state, then stepped away.

A bath, then he’d write a letter in return. Pausing by the doorway, he took a moment to glance back over his shoulder. This was a burden he had decided he would quietly bear, for both their sakes, but he wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold on. Sighing, he shoved away the thought to the inner recesses of his mind. No good would come of thinking of such a thing. Best he could do was swallow it down, hold onto the hope that the day they’d be able to see each other again would come soon, and send and receive little hints of each other over that vast expanse of sea.


End file.
